A love puzzle

I realize this will be a little bit too long for mostpeople’s Internet reading habits. But I’m not talking pointlessly about a movie I watched or about my daily life or gossiping about neighbors, girls I fucked, politics or celebrities. I spend great part of my short years thinking seriously about love and experimenting with it. Few people do that. I believe I have something to say about the subject, and if you can’t read a couple of pages to improve your insights about love, you actually deserve no love at all. You’re just mostpeople, and my words are not for mostpeople.

When I speak of love, so we can make this clear, I’m probably not speaking of what you understand by love – unless you have thought a lot about it and experimented with it as well. This word is overused and underexperienced. It’s not a dream, but an experience. A state of mind. Something attainable.

People say they’re looking for love, but it ain’t love they seek. People say they don’t believe in love – or that they don’t want it just right now – but it’s not love they’re running from.

A quick example I was discussing with some friends earlier: conquest techniques. You treat a woman wrong, and she’ll come crawling to you. It’s true – mostpeople are that stupid. They can’t help their legs from kicking when you beat their knees with a hammer. It’s only natural and this is only a single example. You throw a piece of mango to a dog, for example, and most dogs won’t want it. But you hold that mango in front of his nose for an instant and hide it away for you to see its reaction. The dog will get curious. Interested. He’ll reach for your hand. You show the mango again and hide it away again. You do it times enough, with certain ability, and most dogs will eat that mango.

I’m quite interested in dog training, but I want a girl better than a dog. I want women. You can call me proud, or something, but if you all choose t-shirts so carefully, I’m quite sure the girl I’m with defines me much more than my t-shirt. I want a woman who’s better than a sex-slave dog.

You treat a girl wrong – I’ve seem this many, many times and I’m sure you have too – and she comes to you. And you feel like victory, and you’re happy. But you probably don’t plan things. Mostpeople don’t plan things. They can only create fantasies. If you say: “I’ll go with red” and you look at the sky and say: “I’ll go with blue” and it gets dark and you say: “I’ll go with black” and you paint the house as black as night and when the sun comes up the house is white and you say: “I’ll go with white” you’re actually planning nothing. You’re just drifting, and your plans – the words you summon and call plans – are nothing but verbal reflexes – they are not decisions.

Mostpeople don’t plan things, and I hear my friends saying: “I’m fucking this girl, she’s a bitch. She gave me no attention than I ignored her and treated her wrong and she came to me and it’s just a fuck”. And a week later they’re saying: “That girl is really sweet. She’s lots of fun” and a month later they’re saying: “Can’t go, man. I’m watching movies tonite with my girlfriend” and at a convenient time they’re saying: “I love her”.

This is not love. This is social/sentimental reflex follow ups.

And later they’re saying: “My relationship sucks. My girlfriend sucks. I treated her so nicely and she gave me no attention last week. Now I want to break up and she’s being so sweet to me”

Shit, you should fucking know better, shouldn’t you? Didn’t it all start like this? Wasn’t this EXACTLY how you got there? Wasn’t you the one trying to train dogs instead of looking for a woman? You knew she was like this before you started. You could only start, actually, because she was like this. For all your weapons are for dogs, and if someone behave spontaneously and reasonably you wouldn’t know what to do with that. You knew she was unfair at the beginning and in fact you reinforced it in her when you used it to fuck her.

Are you any better than her? She’s blind, of course, she bends herself to an enemy and forget her friends. But you were there in the game too. You can’t see that well. Are you any better? If she treats you nicely, won’t you just follow your convenience too, and care little for her? If she’s away won’t you fight to bring her back?

I believe people have their own legs. They go where they wanna go. I watch and I react. I choose what’s best and then I force my body to do the right things and my mouth to say the right words. I’m no dog. I’m free.

A friend of mine had this theory about freedom. He said freedom is for angry beggars. “If you can go A or B and you choose A or B, this is not freedom. This is random. If you’re hungry and someone offers you food, and you refuse it – that’s freedom”

If I beat your knee with a hammer, will you feel like kicking? Can you call this feeling your desire? Can you say that’s what you WANTED to do? The hammer is not your desire. Mostpeople confuse it. Following your desires is actually freedom. Obeying the hammer is simple slavery – even if kicking is considered being free in some cultures.

Freedom is having your knee beaten by a hammer and not kicking, if you don’t want to.

I’m free. If I want a girl and she walks away, I let her go. I feel like running after her, but I don’t want to live on the run. I want a girl, not a fight. I’m not in a hurry, and I’m no dog. I like dogs, but I believe I can do better. I don’t have to fuck, only. I can love and fuck too.

If someone is treating me nicely I feel no immediate urge to please them. But I need no immediate urge to eat either. I eat, most of the time, because it feels good. To repay kindness feels great. You probably should try it more often.

People have all this shit against love because they’re too lazy, ignorant and corrupted to experience love. If you can only eat dog food because there aren’t supermarkets and you can’t cook, dog food still sucks. If you’re too lazy, ignorant or corrupted to cook (like if you lost your arms already, for example) this is no reason to say dog food is great. No reason to say there ain’t no lasagna around. No pizza, no sushi and no salad and only dog food everywhere. If you have only experienced dog food and you call it cooking, you’re dumb. You shouldn’t pretend what you experience is what the whole humanity have experienced or can experience. The poets have being talking about something for thousands of years and if you think it’s all bullshit it only means you’re ignorant and you’re protecting your ignorance, instead of attacking it.

Mostpeople can’t understand love’s puzzles. You need the fire, for example, but nothing can be on the fire forever. You must learn smoked food, if you want to be a chef. And cold salads and sandwiches and so on... Out of the food business straight back to the animal world: You cannot achieve love while trying to manipulate the dog in people’s minds. If you fuck through manipulation you’re only masturbating yourself with other person’s body. Meat dolls.

Some said we’re like isolated islands – all of us – and no matter how many bridges we build, the abyss is always there. One can almost really touch another through sex. And you have this bazooka in your hands and you use it to throw paper planes around.

I’m not mounting cute words for stupid girls to copy into cute shallow Internet messages. I take all of this very seriously.

Anyone can fuck, but to love it takes ability. And it’s easy to feel frustrated with failures and just go coward. Say you don’t want love anymore.

People I see denying love fall into three categories, mostly: a) the weak b) the dumb c) the mean.

If you can’t follow the hardship in love’s way – like loyalty, care, awareness and so on – you are weak. If you don’t realize love is a possibility, you’re dumb. If you realize it and have the strength to try it, but you can’t – for example, you adopt the general rule “One must be kind” and you’re blindfolded kind (you’re kind even when it’s obvious the time for kindness has ended, and you keep hugging and kissing a girl who just want to be left alone for a few minutes) – well, you’re dumb too. If a salesman can’t make a deal, it doesn’t mean deals are a fantasy – maybe the guy just sucks.

And some are just mean. They have more pleasure in manipulating and conquering then they could ever have sharing. Do you take pleasure cooking for your friends, for example? (If you do, and you’re a single girl, call me:) If you’re just mean – and that includes selfish, sadist, vain, greedy and so on – fuck you.

Sometimes, I should add, when people run away from love, it’s not love they’re running from. It’s attachment. My friends fuck bitches for a month and they become girlfriends. I can have love in one night. I can have sandwiches – I just don’t like dog food. Vulgar, pointless, socialawardwinning egodriven stupid sex. When I say I’m out for love, I don’t mean I need to lock a girl by my side and to be the world for her and for her to be the world for me till we eventually get to experience even this same useless attachment you feel for a girl or a toy or a dog or a pillow that’s lingering around you for too long. Till we experience everything. This is a feast, but I can have simple meals.

There are loves, and Loves, and LOves, and LOVes, and LOVEs, and LOVES, and LOVES and LOVES and so on...

I just don’t like dog food.