About regret

I had this friend when i was a kid. His father was the richest guy in the building and he had a million dollar smile. His hair was straight and he would charm all the girls. At the fighting gym we had a tournament once, and i kicked his ass but my teacher gave him the victory because my friend was kinda like his pet or something. Maybe if i had broken some of his bones it would be different, but i found a better solution. I left the gym, but i kept my friend. He had all the cars and charisma and all the money and all the girls and – you would say, as everybody would – he had an easy happy life in front of him.

He was driving a girl home from a party, and he hit another car and he died. I’m serious.

People do all kinds of shit sometimes. I have seen it so many times, it could get boring if it wasn’t so important. People fuck shit up and they pretend it never happened. They think, and they say (if you ask): “It will pass”.

They’re right. Things pass.

My dentist was one of the friendliest guys i’ve ever met. He could understand everything i said while his both hands were in my mouth, too. I thought it was guessing talk, you see? I experimented with it. I tested him. I would change subjects and talk about the most unexpected shit – he’d get it. And since i was a child i liked him. We lived in the same building for a few years – the very same building of that friend i was talking about. My dentist was a friend to my father and he was like an uncle to me. He got sick and he died.

Things pass, mostpeople are right. They pass, and they ain’t coming back. People throw days away as if it was candy – as if they could buy more days at the fucking mall.

Not right now – you’re probably not really in the mood for this right now – but when the time is right for you to feel it deeply, try imagining you’ll die tonite. Try imagining you’ll die in a week. You ARE dying, man. Don’t try to push this under the carpet. Not as i stand in front of you. Don’t be a fool. You’re dying, as anyone else. Try imagining it’s next week, for real. If you can get the feeling, you’ll see how special and unique and important each one of the next days will look.

When you can feel this, it’s not an illusion. Illusion is when you can live and breathe and talk and fuck shit up and not realize this. Each day is fucking important.

I see you walking around with wounds on your faces, hiding and waiting for things to pass. It will pass, man. It will pass so fast... It hasn’t passed to me yet, but i can see. I know it. I feel it. It will pass and it will be gone too quick. And it ain’t coming back.

We walk over ancient ruins, built by ancient people who – like you – thought they would live forever. They didn’t. We walk over the dust of their bones and the houses they thought would remain.

It’s all so brief to be wasted in regret, waiting for things to pass.

I truly believe if i die tonite nothing will be lost. I’m dead already. It’s unavoidable. But mostpeople were given live – out of an enormous chain of improbability – and they think it’s so precious; they wouldn’t risk their lives for anything. Still they waste it. Not really caring if they fuck things up – they can always cry and wait for things to pass. They need death right in front of their faces – they need an imminent car crash, or an armed thug, or a positive disease exam on a piece of paper for them to think about this.

If i try to make them think about it while they still have time – or if anybody does that – they’ll say you’re preaching. A guy told me very recently i was preaching to him. Man, he certainly needed some preaching. He was thinking glitter is gold, and now his covered in it. When he’s about to die, i guess, he’ll know. Mostpeople are so very afraid to die, because deep down they know already how it will be. They have all tasted regret already.

People should think more about their own deaths. It makes taking good decisions easier.

I truly believe if i die now nothing will be lost. I’m dead already. But as i’m also breathing, i want to keep on trying for something to be achieved. I won’t be gathering bad things and wait for them to pass. I want to watch a few good things last, while they can last.

And you can look at me and say i’m just a loser and a preacher. And you’ll be right, i guess. But you can also look in my eyes anytime and see for yourself that’s true – i regret nothing.