the dream as it's fresh

I dreamt that i died, today. It was one of this dreams so real it takes you a few minutes awake to realize it was a dream – simply because it HAD to be a dream, or your mind would still wonder…

It wasn’t any terrifying death. There was nothing unhappy, painful or oppressive about it. I was calm the whole time. I knew already in great advance (in my dream) that i would die, and i was at that point completely ready to welcome it.

It went like this: "The buildings tumbled in on themselves; mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair. The skyline was beautiful on fire - all twisted metal stretching upwards; everything washed in a thin orange haze" This is the best dreamlike description i could find in literature. And a dark wind blew. I was barely standing over a shaking concrete bridge, and the water was so wild, and the wind so imperative you just knew it was no regular storm. You didn’t need to talk about it, or think about it. Suddenly you’re just there, and your friend/neighbor (a guy who actually i’ve never seem in my real life, and can’t even trace him to any celebrity or anything) was in the driver’s seat of his car, beneath the bridge, inside the water. The wild ferocious water was almost covering the bridge already, and the times it rose higher i’d try to help my friend getting out of the car.

After a struggle useless to be described – intense and gigantic to be experienced – the car finally had a bad turn and slipped beneath the bridge. My friend was still inside it. I remember the sad, sad desolation of losing a friend – mixed with the urgency of accepting and moving on for all hell’s hounds were loose and shit was happening – as i instinctively turned myself towards the other end of the bridge, where in a few seconds the car would reappear, and my friend i had never seem in real life, but towards who i had this great affection, would emerge and hold himself in the bridge. I ran to him and helped him up. We acknowledge and ran to opposite directions, to move on with our goals.

And there were these things i simply knew about – i didn’t get surprised when they arrived. They were little monsters with big teeth, and they would attack and eat people. I won’t try to describe them, as a dream creature is meant for drawing artists to describe. Enough to say they were about the size of a normal men, with huge mouths and pointy teeth – their alien body all colorful and tight, so flexible and agile, so fast and massively strong. You can let them take the form your own mind gives them, and them they’re real.

And as i ran sometimes i’d see one of them attacking a house, or a car – and i couldn’t stop, as there was this family i had to go, for they sure were in the same problems. As i ran i noticed they were too many and too strong to be beaten. And there was the storm and everything else and, as i saw the monsters go throw walls and solid steel and break, one after the other, any and every idea i could form to beaten them as i ran, i knew already it was the end and that there was absolutely no point in fighting.

It was the end.

But i kept running and as i accepted defeat i was getting growingly more disposed to fight. May this death be beautiful, i felt.

And suddenly we’re blocked in this room, and they come from all sides – but i’m like some movie action hero, and somehow i’m beating all of them always and the tension grows the way it grows in those movies and it grows and it grows and there are more and more monsters and i beat them faster and faster and at the break of tension they stop and move back.

And i have no illusions at any point that i won – i know it’s just an interruption. And a vampirela-like girl enters the room and we talk. I can only remember fragments. There was something about a book. And she moves behind me and i know that i will die. And she carve her needle teeth in my neck and i feel my blood being pumped in short strong pulls. And i remember telling myself to remain calm, and managing it. After a few sucks i feel like suffocated – but not from air. I feel the lack of something, as if i was underwater, and them more intense – and at that point it would be easy to feel desperate, if that was what i was searching for. But instead i was calm, and observing how it was to die, and it was so very, very interesting to me to have felt that.

I was compressed – suffocated – and more, and more, and more compressed, and nothing. I vanished for a second – almost all of me. And there was silence for a while, but something was still there, and them silence – as dark hit by a candle – was hit by a wave of things quickly expanding into consciousness again. Shit, it was such an easy feeling in my mind, up to now. I really thought it would be easy to describe, but as i turn my thought into words for describing it in this text, it turns out i couldn’t define it at all. Will stop trying. Don’t feel like writing anymore. Just wanted to write this dream before facts disappear and only substance remains.